Well, the discussion with the Husband didn’t go quite as planned. Turns out he feels this was the best thing that could have happened to us and it has made him realize that actually I am what he wants and he most definitely wants to work through our problems and make our relationship work. The jury’s still out on how I feel about all of this. Sometimes I know I’m so angry I could spit, other times I feel depressed, there’s quite a bit of exhaustion and I’m often left feeling the need to curl up into a little ball and forget about everything. The only thing I know for absolutely sure is that I do love him and that it’s easier to give birth to an elephant with no anesthetic of any kind while lying on a bed of thorny roses with an annoying man standing over you, telling you the trunk is crowning, the tusks are almost out and would you like to see, then to know for absolutely sure what the best course of action is.

I’ve been thinking a great deal about The Fairy Godmother. She too found herself faced with the gut wrenching ache of the inevitable. Her response to it was to take a deep breath and dive right back in. Something akin to the philosophy of getting back on the horse after a bucking of bone breaking proportions. I asked her why, she said that she did not want to look back and say “What if?” Margaret said much the same thing. Her response was that she wanted to make every effort so that not once would she ever have to deal with any guilt due to the break up. Knowing in her heart she did everything she could possibly have done to make it work.

It would be so very convenient if I could only tell the future. I doubt I would learn much or grow as a human being but at least I could make easy choices avoid any future heartache and live a soft, clean bubble existence. Oh what joy! But alas, I must accept my shortcomings and make decisions blind. How difficult it is being a mere mortal.

I still feel nauseous most of the time and my courage reserves are still running a little low but I’m going to take a deep breath, block my nose and plunge into the pool of blind optimism. And I’m going to listen to ACDC the whole way down.

“When I see a pretty woman
You know it gives me a thrill
And she's a tailor made to order
You know I can't stand still
And you won't need a doctor
'Cause it'll cure all ills

And when I hear a noisy party
You know it gives me a chill
It gets me rockin' and a rollin'
And I can't stand still
From morning 'till midnight
You know I can't stand still

You know I can't stand still
I can't stand still
You know I can't stand still
I can't stand still
From morning 'till midnight
You know I can't stand still, oh yeah

When it comes to sippin' honey
You know I drink my fill
And I'll be dancin' on the water
You know I can't stand still
From morning 'till midnight
You know I can't stand still, oh yeah

You know I can't stand still
I can't stand still
I can't stand still
You know I can't stand still
From morning 'till midnight
You know I can't stand still

You know I can't stand still
I can't stand still
Baby I can't stand still
I just can't stand still
From morning 'till midnight
You know I can't
You know I can't stand still

Thank you lads, thank you lads, thank you”